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The truth is, anyone can end up in an abusive relationship. It’s not just about being cautious or “never messing up.” It’s about being able to recognize red flags and knowing how to respond, and who to turn to for help. Domestic violence does not discriminate. It affects people across all races, male or female, people with disabilities, the elderly, and people with different socioeconomic backgrounds.
There’s a common misconception that someone can simply leave or block an abusive partner. Had you asked teenage Maira what she would do if she were in an unhealthy relationship, I might have repeated a common phrase I’d heard before: “Everybody argues in relationships,” or “He’s not always like that.”
Who hasn’t, at some point, made excuses for a romantic partner in the name of loyalty and love?
If you asked me that same question today, my answer would be very different. I would draw a clear line, walk away, and not look back.
But for many of us who grew up without a good example of what healthy relationships look and feel like, it’s not that simple.
Teen dating violence is more common than many people realize. One in three teens in the U.S. will experience physical, sexual, or emotional abuse by someone they are in a relationship with before they become adults (Love Is Respect). In my case, I could assume the odds were never in my favor.
Many might even believe that teenage relationships aren’t “that serious.” But for teens, relationships are often meaningful, real, and leaving can feel complicated and frightening.
However, it’s crucial to understand the reasons many teenagers might stay in an abusive relationship. Emotional attachment and feeling that they are in love with the other person is very common. Just because a teen is being treated badly by their intimate partner doesn’t mean they don’t have romantic feelings and genuine care for them. Teens are already going through changes in their lives and might not be able to fully understand the extent of their abuse. Another more obvious reason is they fear the abuser will harm, hurt or kill them, if they leave.
Penn State’s Pro Wellness program found that
“Nearly half of all murdered women in the U.S. are killed by a current or former male romantic partner, research suggests. Now a new study finds that intimate partner homicide is also a threat to teen girls. Out of 2,200 adolescents killed between 2003 and 2016 all were 11 to 18 years old. The study found that nearly 7% were killed by a current or former intimate partner. Most victims were killed with firearms, especially handguns, and the study found that victims were most commonly killed after they broke up with perpetrators, wouldn’t date them, or if the perpetrators were jealous of a new partner.”
In many cases there is a lack of experience in healthy relationships. Whereas one teen might grow up in a home where love, attentiveness, respect, open communication and active listening might occur amongst their parents or the other relationships they are observing, other teens might have the opposite experience. Teens will likely behave similar to their role models when they enter a relationship, but without a map to guide them it can be easy to fall victim to abuse.
The list can go on and on but other factors include social pressure, having feelings of low self-esteem, or alienation from friends and family. Other times teens might be unable to connect with healthy adults in their lives so they cling to those who want to be in a relationship with them ignoring or being unable to identify any red flags.
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